A few weeks ago, I noticed the word “vibe” kept showing up everywhere.
You probably hear it all the time too.
“We had a great vibe.”
“The vibe felt off.”
“I don’t know… something about the vibe just wasn’t there.”
It’s one of those words we use casually, almost instinctively. We may not always be able to explain exactly what we mean, but we know when we feel it.
The vibe is vibing.
And lately, I’ve been thinking about it a lot—especially in the context of relationships and leadership.
At the beginning of this year, I set a personal intention: to make energy decisions.
Not ego decisions. Not obligation decisions. Just energy decisions.
After years of running my own business and working closely with leaders and teams, I’ve become more aware of how precious our energy really is. Where we invest it matters. Who we spend it with matters. And the energy we bring into a room often shapes what’s possible in that moment.
That intention came into focus recently during a simple coffee meeting.
A friend who knows my work introduced me to another woman in our community. She thought there might be some alignment between what we both do professionally, and I’m always open to meeting thoughtful, accomplished people who care about making an impact.
So we met for coffee.
The conversation was nice. She was smart, kind, and clearly passionate about her work. But as we talked, I noticed that I was working really hard to find the connection.
I kept trying to imagine how our work might overlap. I searched for ways we could collaborate or support one another professionally. I found myself asking more questions, digging a little deeper, hoping something would click. It never quite did.
When the conversation ended, I walked away feeling surprisingly drained. Nothing had gone wrong. She was lovely. But I knew that I had just spent an hour trying to manufacture a connection that didn’t naturally exist.
The old version of me probably would have scheduled another coffee. After all, she had been introduced to me for a reason. Maybe the next conversation would reveal something. Maybe I just needed more time to figure out how we could work together.
But I reflected on my intention for the year to make energy decisions. Honestly, the energy just wasn’t there.
For the first time in a situation like this, I made a different choice. When she suggested getting together again, I politely declined. Not because she wasn’t wonderful, but because the energy didn’t feel aligned.
That decision might sound small, but it felt significant. It was a reminder that energy is a form of currency—and we get to choose where we spend it.
Around the same time, I came across a preview of a new book by Adam Grant called VIBE which caught my attention. In introducing the book, he talked about something many of us have experienced but rarely stop to analyze … why some interactions feel electric while others fall flat.
He shared a story about a speaking event where he had to replace a conversation partner at the last minute. On paper, the two of them didn’t seem like an obvious match. They had different personalities, interests, and barely knew each other. Yet when they stepped onto the stage together, the chemistry was undeniable. People assumed they had been friends for years.
He couldn’t stop thinking about why that moment worked so well. What he realized was that connection isn’t really about how much time we spend with someone, it’s about how we spend that time.
In this case, his conversation partner—an actor—encouraged them to rehearse the rhythm of the conversation backstage. Instead of exchanging long personal stories, they riffed on ideas together. They created momentum and energy before they ever stepped in front of the audience.
Reading that, I found myself nodding along.
In my experience as a coach, the most impactful moments in my work often happen when that same kind of energy is present.
There’s a certain ease to those conversations. I’m not searching for the perfect question or trying to impress anyone with insight. I’m simply present—fully listening, curious, and engaged.
My client is leaning in, I’m leaning in and ideas begin building on each other. Something new starts to emerge in the space between us.
Those are the moments when coaching isn’t “work”, it’s “ease”. The conversation flows, the insight lands and the energy expands.
You could say the vibe is right.
One way I’ve come to think about it is that a vibe is simply energy made visible.
You can feel it in a room. You can sense it in a conversation. You know when it’s present—and you know when something feels off.
Why don’t we always trust that signal?
Often we override it with logic or obligation. We convince ourselves we should keep investing time because the relationship makes sense on paper. Or because someone introduced us. Or because we don’t want to disappoint anyone.
But the longer I do this work, the more I believe that connection is the true catalyst for impact.
When people feel a natural alignment in energy:
In a world that’s moving faster than ever, that ability to connect quickly matters.
We don’t always have months to build relationships anymore. Leaders are navigating constant change, packed schedules, and endless demands on their attention. Many of our interactions happen in short windows—meetings, quick conversations, brief collaborations.
In those moments, the energy we bring matters … your presence matters, your curiosity matters … and the way you listen, respond, engage with others sets the tone for what happens next.
Which means the vibe you create isn’t just a personal experience—it’s a leadership signal.
Energy is contagious.
When a leader shows up distracted or disengaged, people feel it immediately. But when a leader brings genuine presence, curiosity, and openness into the room, the entire dynamic shifts. Conversations become more real. People feel safer speaking up. Ideas begin to flow.
The vibe changes and with it, the possibilities for connection, collaboration, and progress.
So if you’re thinking about how this shows up in your own leadership, here are a few simple practices that can help.
Notice how conversations feel—not just what is being said. Are people leaning in or pulling back? Does the conversation feel open and engaging, or forced and transactional?
Energy often tells you more than words.
In a distracted world, presence is powerful. Put the phone down. Listen fully. Ask one more curious question. When people feel truly seen and heard, connection accelerates.
Pay attention to where ideas start building naturally. Those are often the places where collaboration, innovation, and impact are waiting to happen.
Sometimes the most important leadership decision isn’t pushing harder—it’s recognizing when the energy isn’t aligned and adjusting accordingly.
Lately I’ve been asking myself these questions:
Where does the energy feel expansive?
Which conversations leave me feeling energized and inspired? Which relationships create momentum instead of depletion?
Sometimes the most powerful leadership decision we can make isn’t about doing more. It’s about paying attention to the energy in the room - and trusting what it’s telling us.
If you are curious about how your leadership presence and energy show up for the people around you, I invite you to take my Heart Leader Assessment. It’s a simple way to reflect on the intentional energy you bring to your team, your conversations, and your leadership.
Your vibe might matter more than you think. 💜
