Failure often results in feeling guilt or shame, especially when you’re a high achiever who is used to succeeding. But failing and falling short are an inevitable fact of life. And if you aren’t ever failing, you probably aren’t pushing yourself.
The most successful leaders hold themselves to high standards, but employ serious self-compassion strategies when they don’t hit the mark. This means you might have a bad day, but you know how to bounce back. Bumps in the road won’t knock you off track and coming up short isn’t the end of the world.
Self-compassion isn’t about being weak or lowering your standards – it’s a powerful leadership skill that will help you achieve more (and experience more joy) in the long run. While having a bad day and feeling down is a part of life, it’s important to implement tools that help us practice being kind to ourselves and increase our self-compassion.
The first step to developing self-compassion is noticing your emotional state. When you find yourself feeling guilt or shame, pause and recognize the truth about how you feel.
Instead of reacting to your feelings of guilt and shame – this is often when we lash out at others because we want someone to blame – take a breath and consider some of the following questions.
What do I need?
Maybe you need space, time to process, a breath of fresh air, or some music to take the edge off. Or maybe you need something more complex – support with a big project, a change in responsibilities, or a discussion with a team member. Be open to the answers that pop up. You know yourself better than you may think.
How do I care for myself already?
When you feel like “a total failure,” it’s easy to let that inner critic take over. Take a minute to run through all the ways you already care for yourself. You make time to move your body each day, you prioritize spending time with your kids when you get home from the office, you read before bed instead of watching TV, you get regular facials… the list goes on and on.
Remind yourself of all the great things you do for yourself every day because you know you’re worth it.
What would I say to a friend in a situation like this?
We’re much kinder to others than we are to ourselves when we experience guilt and shame. Imagine a friend is in your situation. How would you help them see the truth of the situation? What would you say to help them feel better? Try saying those same things to yourself!
Beating yourself up or engaging in pervasive negative self-talk is ultimately detrimental to your health, performance, and self-esteem. Try being kind to yourself instead! Here are some easy ways to be kinder to yourself starting today.
Let Go of Perfectionism
If your measure of "perfect" is based on being all things to all people at all times, you’ll always fall short. Evaluate whether your own standards are realistic. Can you ease up on any self-imposed pressures?
Give Yourself Recognition
We are quick to acknowledge the achievements of others, but slow to acknowledge our own. Become aware of your own achievements and give yourself recognition. Praise yourself and relish the moment. Talk to yourself the way you would to an employee or friend who just succeeded or met a big goal.
Do a Reality Check
Before beating yourself up and thinking of all the ways you’ve let others down… just stop. Do a reality check. On certain days your efforts might not seem good enough for others. You aren’t falling short – their expectations may not be reasonable.
Tricia is a global business leader, author, and certified executive coach. Her unique corporate background gives her a clear understanding of the personal and professional challenges that senior business leaders face today.
She brings real-life expertise around talent, culture, and leadership to every coaching engagement and is committed to helping individuals, teams, and organizations accelerate performance.
Tricia believes this can be done with authenticity and by staying true to personal values, beliefs, and leadership styles.
After over a year of working from home, avoiding family gatherings, and checking in with friends and coworkers over Zoom, we’re exhausted. We haven’t hugged our loved ones or spent quality time with our friends or colleagues in person. The mental, emotional, and physical toll of our collective isolation is significant. But we have also discovered that we are more resilient than many of us even thought possible.
We have created a new integrated life, where work and home became a unique blend for many of us. We’ve discovered unexpected blessings, new priorities, and positive experiences amidst the chaos of pandemic life.
It is now time to decide what served us and be deliberate and intentional about what we carry forward into the next normal.
I often hear from my clients, friends and family that they are anxious to "go back to normal." The truth is, we can’t ever go back. Things have fundamentally changed: in public spaces, work environments, and social settings. There will be no “going back to normal” at any point.
But this isn’t as dire as it sounds. In fact, I believe we all have a rare chance to live life with great intention, as we move into the next “normal.”
We shouldn’t want to go back. Remember that hamster wheel of life that was constantly spinning – late nights at the office, over-committed calendars, making time for everyone but ourselves? We have had a year (or more) to adjust and leave much of that life behind, and if we are intentional about moving forward, we can avoid ever falling back into those toxic patterns.
Despite the stress and disruption of a year-plus of COVID-restricted life, there are a whole host of positive things we can bring with us into our next normal. The key is in taking time to reflect on what we have learned about ourselves and truly come to appreciate since March 2020.
Living life with intention as we move forward is the only way to avoid falling back into bad habits. It took us over two months to adjust to social distancing and COVID restrictions, but we can fall back into our “old normal” way of life in as little as two weeks if we aren’t diligent.
Examine your life now:
Once you are aware of these shifts and the positive things you would like to keep, you can take steps to ensuring they remain part of your life.
You have reflected on your life since March 2020 and identified the changes, routines, and expectations you’d like to keep. Maybe this looks like closing your laptop at 4:30 and spending half-an-hour with your kids before you start dinner prep. Maybe it means keeping your morning walk. Or maybe you’ve fallen in love with having small blocks of unscheduled time in your week that you want to protect!
Learning to set boundaries will help you protect the things that serve you.
Boundaries are limits we set with others that establish what behaviors we will allow and what we will not. Setting healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable if you’ve never really used them before, but boundaries actually help us enjoy our relationships and avoid stress, anger, and conflict.
We can’t ever go back to life before COVID, but we can create boundaries to protect the things we have gained and come to appreciate since experiencing quarantine, social distancing, and COVID restrictions. You owe it to yourself to move into the next normal as strong, healthy, and balanced as possible.
I know that learning how to set boundaries can be challenging, which is why I created this helpful resource designed to help you determine your personal standards and then set healthy boundaries to protect those standards.
I invite you to download this resource and spend some time working through it. You’ll be amazed at how your healthy boundaries will help you create and protect a life that serves you and your highest values.
As many of my executive leadership clients faced the uncertainty and adversity of this past year, they were compelled to focus more actively on building resilient leadership. Wanting desperately to be able to function best under pressure, master stressful situations, make swift and strong decisions as circumstances felt out of their control.
This year had this effect on many of us – at work and at home.
Life is full of ups and downs. When challenging experiences inevitably arise, we all want to be ready to rise to the occasion.
We often take a militaristic, “tough” approach and focus on demonstrating resilient leadership. We believe that the longer we tough it out, the tougher we are, and therefore the more successful we will be.
For many of us being a resilient leader means focusing on the skills and competence to deal with any situation or set back. It means have control over the current realities and being strong and tough enough to cope with whatever trauma or tragedy comes our way.
The hardest things being met with and described by the strongest and toughest words and actions.
But sometimes the hardest things require the softest approaches.
When reflecting on this past year, those who were demonstrating resilient leadership most, were the ones intentional in their actions and engagements each day. Empathetically, genuinely, compassionately walking in the shoes of their employees. Connecting deep in their organizations. Taking quick action and making hard decisions but with care and compassion.
Resilient leadership was most evident from those leaders who were leading with heart.
What if you could build your resilience and be ready for the greatest hardships by focusing on the softest things?
One of my clients is a global executive tasked with driving a multi-million-dollar change initiative for her company. Delays were costly, critical talent on the team left and change fatigue had set in. It was time to “sell hope”. She demonstrated her commitment to her employees by getting in the trenches with them, recognizing their contributions and engaging them in what mattered most – the feeling of pride, accomplishment, and success they would feel at the completion of the project.
Recognizing the impact that the uncertainty is having on the people that drive the organization and inspiring them with what’s ahead is a sign of resilient leadership.
Being tough and enduring a grueling schedule with long days and sleepless nights doesn’t build resilience. When we lack recovery, it dramatically holds us back from our ability to be resilient. The more imbalanced we become due to overworking, the more value there is in activities that allow us to return to a state of balance. The value of a recovery period rises in proportion to the amount of work required of us. Give yourself the resources and permission to intentionally create internal and external recovery periods. This is the way to role model resilient leadership for yourself and your teams.
“Focus on what's strong rather than what's wrong.”
In times of crisis, it is easy to focus on what was missed, what needs to be solved, what could have gone better. When we only see what is wrong, then feelings of disappointment and regret seep into everything we do. Instead, provide the compass to weather the storm - shift the focus to trust in self and team, and reinforce confidence in them that they will emerge even stronger tomorrow.
We all seek to grow, and challenging moments are there to do just that. Leaders that bring optimism and confidence to their employees will build a sense of resilience in them and those around them.
Over the last year I have seen some interesting examples of how my clients maintained connection with their employees – virtual coffee breaks or happy hours, introductions of kids and pets on video calls, starting meetings with ice breaker questions, Uber Eats home deliveries so teams can enjoy lunch together. These actions acknowledge how radically personal priorities have shifted and how a global health crisis has created a collective change in our lives.
Providing the forums for team members to express their thoughts, worries and fears and supporting their ability to connect with each other, gives them a sense of psychological safety during times of crisis.
As a leader, being empathetic and understanding and sharing your own personal challenges will demonstrate that you are “in it together”. Create the community they need behind them and everyone will build the resilience necessary to get through challenging times together.
Ultimately, the resilient leadership needed today requires INTENTION - leveraging the softer side of resilience to endure the hardest of times. These leaders are vulnerable and empathetic in their engagements and interactions. They invest in human interaction during challenging times and better prepare their teams and organizations to face the hardships of tomorrow.
There are countless opportunities daily to practice the softer side of resilience and to lead with heart. If you are interested in learning more about intentional, resilient leadership and these practices to build your resilience for today and tomorrow, schedule a call today.
Tricia is a global business leader, author, and leadership coach. Her unique corporate background gives her a clear understanding of the personal and professional challenges that senior business leaders face today. She brings real-life expertise around talent, culture, and leadership to every coaching engagement. Tricia is committed to helping individuals, teams and organizations accelerate performance.
Tricia believes this can be done with authenticity and staying true to personal values, beliefs, and leadership styles.
I work with high performers every day who are highly accountable – to their work, boss, team, and to achieve outcomes for their organizations.
But not all are accountable to themselves.
They regularly let themselves down by not living up to the personal standards and boundaries they set for themselves and that they deserve.
And for many, this scenario has gotten worse over the past year!
Does this sound familiar?
Be accountable to yourself. Create these strategies at work and home that are essential to you and put them into practice immediately:
What would you be capable of accomplishing if you could hold yourself more accountable each day?
Group Coaching is a powerful, effective, and affordable option to help you achieve your goals and dreams in the new year. Today is your opportunity to join a community of high-performing leaders who want inspiring connections, accelerated learning, and new doors to open for themselves and others.
And an *ADDED BONUS*....those who sign up to start in January will receive a FREE 2021 Annual Passion Planner to help you kick off the new year and focus on what matters.
Tricia is a global business leader, author, and women's leadership coach. Her unique corporate background gives her a clear understanding of the personal and professional challenges that senior business leaders face today. She brings real-life expertise around talent, culture, and leadership to every coaching engagement. Tricia is committed to helping individuals, teams and organizations accelerate performance.
Tricia believes this can be done with authenticity and staying true to personal values, beliefs, and leadership styles.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I am certain I didn't grow my career from an entry level position to an executive in the C-suite by sitting back and waiting for someone show me the way.
On the contrary, I was in the driver's seat with my career. I was in constant motion, taking advantage of every opportunity that came my way to learn something new. Listening, learning and understanding the “why” behind the work I was doing was just as (if not more) important as the hours I put in to get the job done.
Are you waiting for your company to point you down the next path in your career? Are you doing a good job hoping to be tapped on the shoulder for that next new assignment? Are you expecting your boss to recognize your efforts any day now and give you that big promotion?
The most fulfilled, engaged and happy people I know are in the driver’s seat when it comes to their career.
1) Stay Curious: Are you learning as fast as the world is changing? Spend at least 10% of your time each week learning (reading, listening to podcasts, audio books, networking, meeting with a mentor, etc.). Be a continuous learner by asking questions to understand the “why” behind your work and remain open to the ideas and opinions of others. A learning mindset with intentional practices will be something that sustains you throughout your career. Download my Intentional Practices for Successful Learners here.
2) Stay Open: Do you hesitate when asked to take on a stretch assignment or help with a special assignment? Even if it isn't something that sounds particularly interesting at the moment, say YES! Jumping into a new project is a chance to demonstrate your readiness for more responsibility and your adaptability to support the new needs of the business. It is likely that your boss sees something in you worth the investment and is watching to see how you respond. New opportunities also allow you to personally try out new skills and better understand what you enjoy. You may be surprised and I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself.
3) Stay Uncomfortable: Are you one of the first people to adopt a new process or tool? If you are staying comfortable, you aren’t growing and you certainly aren’t showcasing your potential. There is a danger in becoming too comfortable too early in your career – it can stunt your growth. Many times I saw this happen, when senior leaders come together to assess their talent and someone on the team is labeled as “properly placed” based on one or two interactions. Be the first to adopt a new process or tool and push yourself through the change curve. This will minimize the discomfort of the change you are going to have to face anyway and it positions you as a change agent, someone who is ready and capable to help drive new initiatives in your organization.
4) Stay Connected: Are you hiding behind emails and IM messages? Every time I dug in with a project team experiencing delays or unresolved conflict, I would hear, “I don’t know what the problem is. I sent an email...”. While it is obviously a little harder right now to connect face to face, the general rule should be to pick up the phone or schedule a zoom or stop by their desk. Making a connection, having a conversation is how trust is built…it does not happen through email. And, building the right relationships with people who can be a champion for you down the road can be a catalyst in your career growth.
If you want to stay in the driver's seat when it comes to your career, stay curious, stay open, stay uncomfortable and stay connected. These strategies will provide you with unique experiences, a more positive outlook and will position you to grow a successful and fulfilling career 💜
Tricia is a global business leader, author and women's leadership coach. Her unique corporate background gives her a clear understanding of the personal and professional challenges that senior business leaders face today. She brings real-life expertise around talent, culture and leadership to every coaching engagement and is committed to helping individuals, teams and organizations accelerate performance.
Tricia believes this can be done with authenticity and by staying true to personal values, beliefs, and leadership styles.
Contact Tricia at www.tricamanning.com
If right now you are making a big decision in your career, you aren’t alone. I know so many people making some kind of change. For some, it has been forced while others are just finding it to be time to move on. Either way, it feels like a season of change…and growth!
I am working with a client right now who is in the fortunate position to decide between two new job opportunities. She describes the options as the difference between “known” and “unknown”. Known because it is a company that she has admired for years and she is still in touch with former colleagues who now work there. Unknown because it is a company whose culture and leadership philosophies she only knows through interview questions and glass door reviews.
Something in her heart and her gut is drawing her toward the unknown. Her head is vying for the known. We have been working on that alignment – head, heart, gut.
What I love is that she is open to exploring what is holding her back from stepping into the unknown and giving her full attention and energy toward that more unfamiliar choice.
We often get caught up in the fear of what we might lose that we actually miss seeing what we stand to gain.
She came to the conclusion...her choice of the unknown could be the risk she takes that allows her to do something greater. Wow, something greater! Isn’t that what we all say we want? But do we all know what this means? When faced with a crossroad, are you clear on where you are headed?
If you don’t have a vision of "greater" for yourself then you will never get your head, heart & gut to align. This limits the energy you have to fully commit to the choice you make.
For most who take the time to answer this question, they learn that it isn’t always more money, or a bigger title, team or office.
Greater is that thing that allows you to live out your purpose. Greater is possibility. Greater is what you do effortlessly. Greater is what gives you energy. Greater is what allows you to be your best self in your career and your life 💜
According to the well-known motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, Your life is controlled by what you focus on. So, what if you can’t focus on anything these days? I imagine that life might feel a bit out of control.
This is a big theme across many of my clients right now – the inability to focus. It is fact that COVID-19 and the prolonged uncertainty, worry and stress we are experiencing is impacting the part of our brain that helps us think critically and supports our ability to focus.
Since February, there has been a 300% increase in people searching “how to get your brain to focus”. Add to this our current working environments and the fact that it has never been so easy to get distracted. We are home, spending hours each day in front of our computers on zoom meetings; it is easy to let ourselves get distracted by the dog barking during a meeting, the kids coming in and out of the room, the emails & IM messages popping up on the screen and in my case, the funny shapes of people’s heads when they move too quickly in front of a virtual background.
It is a perfect storm and the result is longer workdays, getting less accomplished!
If you are like so many others, you have a hard time focusing, you are faced with many things that distract you throughout the day and you quickly fall deep into the bad habit of multi-tasking.
You may think you are good at multi-tasking and it may make you feel more productive, but research shows just the opposite. It takes us much longer than expected to get back on task with frequent interruptions and context switching. While sometimes we have to do it, ultimately, we know that to maintain focus and block out distraction, we have to set clear priorities and dedicate blocks of time to certain activities.
Multi-tasking is not a high-performance habit. It prevents us from being fully present and actually makes us less productive.
We can’t eliminate the stressors we are experiencing in our world right now and the prolonged anxiety that has our primitive minds in overdrive, but we can get creative and introduce new approaches to help us regain our attention.
Lastly, having perspective around the unique place we are in and the fact that a lack of focus is completely normal for so many of us right now should also go a long way in gaining back a sense of control and understanding that it won’t always be this hard.
Try these strategies to help you avoid the trap of multitasking, minimize distractions and regain your focus. But also remember, be kind to yourself, especially now 💜
The last few months have been a true awakening and forced us to recognize what is most important in our lives.
Similar to the personal health crisis I faced a few short years ago, for all of us, this global health crisis is bringing our priorities into focus - health, family, relationships, time, happiness; and creating an inventory of what we need to be strong and prepared to continue to push through.
This defining moment in history and in our lives has made us more aware of what changes are needed.
Let’s face it…many of us have spent a good part of our lives waiting for the inspiration to do something different, to make a bold change. This world crisis is a defining moment and it is accelerating the shift.
Do you want more meaning and inspiration in your life and career?
Now is the best time to take yourself out of what you do, the job you are in, the path you are on, the success you are tied to, and focus on the things that inspire you and that give you energy. It is up to you to create your own inspiration.
This doesn’t mean that you have to walk into the boss’ office tomorrow and quit, abandon your current business or make a complete career transition.
If you want to make a change but don’t know where to start, don’t know what you really want, or are fearful of leaving old measures of success behind, there are a few things you can do to take control and take the first steps:
You have options and there is no better time to define your success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you're PROUD AND INSPIRED to live...
If you are feeling ready to face your fears and take the first brave step forward toward a more meaningful and fulfilling life and career, please join my next zoom webinar on June 9: Redefining Success: The First Steps Toward Change. I will share more detail on how you can take back control and introduce you to the 8 Steps in creating a one-of-a-kind Heart-centered Women's Blueprint to re-engineer all aspects of your life and increase confidence and satisfaction in your career & your next great chapter overall.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Engaged and inspired by smart business leaders who manage it all, personally and professionally, Tricia plays the role of coach, accountability partner, advisor, and consultant. Drawing on experiences, skills, and HEART, Tricia helps others elevate their leadership and develop new possibilities in how they show up and how they engage every day.
The United States is in a state of emergency due to the COVID-19 pandemic. If your organization wasn’t already crisis planning, they certainly are now.
For the past year, I have been watching the “message from our CEO” emails, the social posts, the news (now that is enough to scare anyone!) and can’t stop thinking about how much we learn about people during times like this…how much we learn about our leaders.
There is no doubt that the impacts of this situation are far-reaching as organizations pull back spending, freeze travel, update work-from-home policies and look to protect the health and safety of their employees and customers.
It is the right thing to do. Some leaders have managed their organizations through crisis before and for others, they lack the experience.
I have experienced it before, and I am seeing it with my clients now. It is times like this when intentional leadership is needed most.
Show up with a sense of responsibility and commitment to your organization and role model the behavior you want people to follow.
Engage personally with people, listen to their fears, and communicate openly and transparently. Acknowledge the challenge and help people know that you have their best interest at heart.
Most crises come on quickly and it is critical to jump into planning, make swift decisions, move people to action, address the external constituents.
But it is also critical to take a breath and think through the plan to lead your people through the situation.
Here are four things you can do as an Intentional Leader. Show up as your best self and as the leader your employees need you to be:
The worst thing you can do is overreact which brings fear, panic, and self-interest into the picture. All eyes are on you so maintain self-control by projecting a sense of calm.
Don’t minimize the situation as you can come off as inauthentic but use facts (not fear) to balance the reality of the situation with the emotions of the people.
In absence of information, people fill in the blanks. Be visible and explain the steps being taken. Be transparent, clear, and timely in sharing information.
Recognize the fluidity of the circumstances and commit to regular updates that keep everyone focused forward together.
Help your people see the bigger picture…the world on the other side of the crisis. Remain positive and encouraging as your organization pushes through the discomfort and uncertainty.
When necessary, stand back from the action and reassess. Solicit input within the organization but pull in outside advice when necessary.
Don’t waste the crisis! When the challenge is finally over, it is important to de-escalate and restore operations but that doesn’t always mean “business as usual”. Ask for feedback, capture lessons learned, and identify long last improvements that can be made.
Most importantly, explicitly thank and recognize people for what they achieved. Acknowledge the disruption and express gratitude for their continued support, focus, and commitment during a difficult time.
As painful as it is, a time like this is an opportunity to practice the type of leadership that is needed. To effectively and successfully lead through the most difficult and uncertain situations.
– inspirational, connected, present, mindful –
Embrace the challenge, be intentional in your how, and new ways of thinking will arise. You will get past it with an understanding that you can face a crisis, like COVID-19, head-on, and be a better leader for your organization in the long run.
Tricia is a global business leader, author, and certified executive coach. Her unique corporate background gives her a clear understanding of the personal and professional challenges that senior business leaders face today.
She brings real-life expertise around talent, culture, and leadership to every coaching engagement and is committed to helping individuals, teams, and organizations accelerate performance.
Tricia believes this can be done with authenticity and by staying true to personal values, beliefs, and leadership styles.
I had a boss who used to say...
If it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn’t call it work.
~Boss
Now that certainly sets an interesting tone. If work can’t be fun then it is…unpleasant? boring? dreadful?
Isn’t it better to figure out how to support our employees in having a great time as they work, feeling engaged and appreciative and proud of what they accomplished during the day?
Let’s face it…most of us want more from our work. Our job is no longer a means to an end, and we have moved beyond the basics of a paycheck to put food on the table and pay the rent. We recognize that happiness and fulfillment come from our ability to make meaningful contributions each day – personally and professionally.
We have had an awakening and actually aspire to do work that we love.
That frustration and dissatisfaction we feel at our job has a lot to do with the degree to which we are able to leverage our strengths, express ourselves and advance the greater good of the organization and the people in it.
Maybe you got into a job by default, it was something that came at the right time; maybe it was a great stepping stone that you have outgrown now and the pleasure and fulfillment has waned; maybe it was once a job you loved that just needs the right focus and attention to be able to start loving it again tomorrow. Whatever the scenario, it is time to take control and make the changes necessary to find the meaning, fulfillment and FUN in your work and your career that you deserve.
Here are a few steps you can take to move you in the right direction of moving away from a job and toward more meaning in your work:
Gain clarity on where your skills, talents and interests lie. Make a list of the things you love to do - what motivates you, what gives you energy. Think back to a time when you felt your best, what strengths were you leveraging? Give yourself a moment to picture yourself having fun at work. How are you contributing?
Creating this awareness today may help you find opportunities as soon as tomorrow to leverage these gifts and increase meaningful work in your day.
Put time constraints and money restrictions to the side and ask yourself - what would you do if time and money were not a concern? Don’t let thoughts like “What if”, “I can’t, because”, “I could, but”, creep in. Give yourself permission to follow your excitement. Expand your mind to possibility without fearful thoughts shutting you down.
Be confident in your abilities and listen to your heart, it knows the way.
Take action. Put together a plan to move into the career and life you want. Lay out the steps - some of them will be short-term objectives, some will take longer. Start small…tiny steps to start living your dream, like finding a mentor, taking a class, reading a book….whatever it is, just do it.
If you don’t take action, nothing happens.
I am fortunate I found work that is fueled by what I love most and these are basic steps I used and still put into practice today with my clients. These steps can help you do what you love and find meaning, fulfillment and FUN in your work.
Making a commitment to personal development and carving out time to explore where your excitement, passion, energy longs to take you is so worth it!
If you want to take a deeper dive into doing what you love, I can help.
